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LEON THEORY-对你的爱净重21克- |
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February 18 Good Morning, Yesterday
whats so bad? i cannot sleep at night, instead, i sleep in the day. i cannot stop smoking, instead, i smoke a lot more. i cannot make up choices, instead, i have nil plan. i cannot encourage myself, instead, i hide in deep shit. i cannot think when&where i was last, instead, i forget about dates and days. i cannot tell who i was, who i am, who i will be, i cannot tell remember where i was, where i am, where i will be, instead, i tell myself not asking and try to get used to it. so why? coz im not the one, who believes in love and faith, im not the one who can cook nice food, not any more, im not the one who can cry in the rain, not any more, im not the one who never give up, not any more, im not the one who can give promises, not any more, im not the one who watch DVD with you, not any more, im not shopping and buying take-aways with you , not any more, im not the one who wait for you outside female toilet, not any more, im not the one who pick you up after work, not any more, im not the one who accompany with you to travel around, not any more, im not the one who you trust and never left you alone after we fight, not any more, im not the one who can ensure your happiness even without a dollar, not any more, and why? we never fight again, we never hurt each other any more, you never cry and i never make you cry, we never worry about the future, coz no need to plan,
the day i woke up and found all of these has been passed away, i realize we finally fell apart and we cannot make it any more, not even a little chance. now i cry in the middle of night for the same damn thing, i locked myself in the dark room and start to rememer when, where and how we met, everything come acoss my mind like pictures, i start to understand how sad you were when you go to that clocktower, i start to see the little girl cry by the window in the airport, i start to see your smile and you slept on my legs, i start to see every road and path that we had been to, i dont know what to do, i am so weak, forgive me, you will find a better man. October 08 伟大的2008
（leonardo在马达轰鸣中，虽不是太空，向你们致敬）
伟大的2008， 四川从灾难中慢慢站起来，令国人骄傲的北京奥运顺利闭幕，神舟7号成功发射返航，这一年伟大的贝克汉母33岁，华尔街正在陷入次贷危机引发的经济冬天，5大投行2间倒闭，1间被接管，2间转行，澳洲储备银行一年内超出任何预期的下调利率100个基点。而对于我，一个漂流在澳洲的漂流瓶，已经是历尽沧桑的第5个年头。 5年前，懵懂的我带着一分期待，点点野心，和那么一丝恐惧，背着行囊，仓促的万里跋涉这个在世界接近最东方的陌生国度。5年前的那一天，神舟6号发射成功，贝克汉母也才28岁，澳币对人民币1比6.2。 5年后的我，带着一脸的沧桑，无尽的快乐和痛苦的回忆，和两个毕业证，就要踏上归程结束漂流的日子了。与其说是巧合，不如说是命运的安排，也许上天冥冥中注定如此。亲爱的，我想真的是不管我多么的不舍得，多么的留恋，多么的执着也换不来我们的和睦相处一样，即使28天也不能的原因。1年前的天使救了我，1年后我又和一年前一样，失去了全部，我终于明白了这就是我的命运，幸福是不属于我的。命运就是无论像我这样的人多么执着多么坚持，结果都是一样。 我是一只疲惫的候鸟，疲惫了随波逐流的飞行，疲惫了命运的捉弄，我想找个世外桃源，从此就长久的栖息下去，筑下我舒适的巢穴，从此告别奔波的日子。是的，也许将来的某天，我可能改变主意，但是现在，命运并不掌握在我手中。要说的是，这段日子我是永远都不会忘记的，每个片断，每分每秒，我都会记在心间。我要你知道，那是我最幸福的日子，那时候生命就只有一个答案，所有的选择就只有一个原因。but, I'm lost again, i wanna find a reason to stay. tell me if you still love me, tell me you still need me. when the darkness falls, call my name and let me know, then i'll try my best to get back to you. i'm not leaving upon choices, and you know that. 亲爱的朋友们，该死的澳洲，在此我暂时告别了，向着我的岁月，我们拼搏过，辉煌过，快乐过，彷徨过，迷惑过的日子暂时告别了。我会在万米高空中向你们敬礼，请答应我好好的过，也许有一天我会回来，请与我相见，共同回忆那些曾经拥有的岁月。2008年，这一年贝克汉母33岁了。 March 07 my timetable for recent week
hey guys, this is supposed to be my timetable at least for this one or two months. i dont even wanna talk about how it looks like and how people may feel about, but it is. i dont wanna say its a busy map, but for me, honestly it isnt that hard as what i thought, but after today i put it on excel( GODDAMN MS CLEVEREST SOFTWARE IN THIS WORLD, NOW I FIND IT IS USEFUL!) i find myself in a fucking rediculous situation. the little pink zone tells about my working hours extracting from two part-time jobs, blue zones are smaller coz they are my lecture and tutorial time, grey zone, which cut my hours in further are my fucking sleeping time. yellow zone which i have to put that in and meant to be essential cost to me are the time for buses or whatever to take me to activities that i mentioned about.
AND im a little bit confused now, coz after this, i still havent put in my time for study, my meals, my shower time, my shopping time, my entertainment time, and time to stay with friends and girl friend. now i have a calculation, the hours in a week are 24*7=168 hrs, working time=10+10+10+4+4+4=42 hrs, lecture and tutorial time=2+2+1+1+1=7 hrs, sleeping time=6*6=36hrs, time on bus=19hrs, now after deducting all, i get 64hrs a week.
i think i probably need 4hrs a day to study(assignment, hand-ins, IELTS, reading&refreshing), then 7 days average 28 hrs, i probably need to shower at least twice a day, thats 7 hrs, i probably need 2 meals a day(1.5*7=10.5hrs), now i have18.5hrs left, day average 2.64hrs. if i use the time or time use me efficiently, then i can use the 2.64 hrs to talk on phone, surfing the internet, watch some movies or tvs, but i mostly wanna stay with my girlfriend. she is busy though, and im confused again.
this is life, and im gonna be stronger, im fucking better than this game(someone said so), i probably cut more hrs from work,but i need the money, i probably cut hrs from sleep, but i need to gear more strength to work within the frame, i probably wont go to the class, but they have attendance and hand-ins marks!!!!!!!!i probably dont take meals and showers, wow~~-_-!, i probably dont want any entertainment, yeah, i can make it! i need a car to save my time wasted on buses. thats all what im thinking now
im telling myself, three month later, im definitly to be out of this, then it should be fine. people love me plz stay with me, your supports gonna make it very different.lets join the battle. December 23 MERRY X' MAS
（i love you，the one i was looking at，gotta say that） 第四个圣诞节，就这样的到来了。 不喜欢澳洲的圣诞，因为没有雪，快乐也少了许多。总是缺少气氛，看不懂AUSSIE的快乐，看不懂人们匆匆买回家礼物脸上的笑容，看不懂从10月就装饰屋子上彩灯的人家，看不懂恋人们幸福的漫步。今年没人和我说MERRY X’MAS了吧，得罪了妈妈，辞退了TEPPAN，离开了仅有的朋友们，独自在这个新屋里过这个节吗？别人总是只看到我的欢笑，我的落寞有几人知晓呢？我对自己说，我还有你。唯一的你，我全部的你。生存的唯一勇气，让我欢笑让我落泪的你，但你的爱已经渐渐飘走了吧。对于这样的我，连圣诞节都不可以浪漫的过，对你太过于残忍了。 也许日子久了，平淡就累积多了，幸福的时光就变得稀少了，不过我还是一直记得当初我灿烂的笑，4年中仅有不多的笑，那一天，我做了一次真正的自己，一个我一直想恢复的自己。 星期四下午3点十五分，在发完辞职短信后，我把自己关在STORAGE ROOM里痛哭起来，对于TEPPAN，我充满了爱，这是纪录我每一点成长的地方，4年来的每一天，我每次跌到都把我扶起来的地方，直到现在一直包容我，忍让我的地方。可是，我对自己说要离开了，不是为了什么，是我不想你们对我那么好了，我变得越来越内疚，也许我的选择是错的，不过SIL你说过，不管怎样，路还是要走下去。后悔的事我做得不少了，搞成现在这样我是咎由自取吧。 我觉得离离开澳洲的日子越来越近了，因为澳洲牵挂我的东西，越来越少了，我决定坚持到最后，希望你我都留下，带着我们的将来。 上班的时候，我对每个客人都说了句MERRY CHRISTMAS，大多数人都很有礼貌的回送了我同样的一句，我心里也安慰了好多，即使只是客气下罢了。午夜我穿过VALLEY的大街，穿过那熙熙攘攘的人群，看着人们为CHRISTMAS的到来做最后的狂欢，我的脚步更坚定了，手中的烟画着一道完美的抛物线飞进了垃圾桶，似乎在给我的2007做个美丽的休止。 2007，发生了好多事，好像一辈子发生的事那么多，人生的酸甜苦辣似乎都齐了，坐在公车上，想起以前的每个朋友，想起和你们一起过的每一天，欢笑，争吵和离别，如今剩我一人去看烟火吗？我闭上眼，面前仿佛雪花飞扬，我回到了童年的东北，堆砌着雪人，捏着手里的雪团。亲爱的朋友们，MERRY X’MAS，不管你们身在何方，MERRY X’MAS。 第四个圣诞节，也许就是最后的了，明年我会在哪里呢？ 如果我不是这么坚持，我会更好过吗？ October 14 FOUR YEARS LATERI WAKE UP I TURN OFF THE ALARM I LOOK THE OUTSIDE AND DECIDE WHAT TO WEAR I TAKE A SHOWER WITH SOAP AND I SHAVE I MAKE COFFEE I HAVE MY BREAKFAST AND SKIP THE NEWSPAPER IT CONFUSES ME AND MAKES ME MAD I GO TO CLASS SOMETIMES I CRY WITH NO REASON,BUT IM GETTING HANDLING ON IT
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